Sex Assessment

 Sex Assessment Notebook and Pen on a Table

 

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Sexual Interests Assessment 

This checklist is a starting point for discussion and experimentation. Feel free to add your own extra notes and comments, for example if you like the idea of something but don't feel ready for it yet. And remember that your answers are not set in stone - in fact, expect them to change over time. 

This is not a binding contract!

Occasionally questions are gender-specific, or can be filled in twice (how do you feel about doing X and how do you feel about your partner doing X). Skip questions or answer them twice as you feel is appropriate.  

Instructions for Singles: Print out a copy of this page and answer each question, disregarding what you think you “should” like and going with your true desires. Review and reflect on your answers without judgment. Celebrate what you do like, and gently challenge and seek resources to help with the things that you want to change. 

Instructions for Couples: Print out two copies of this checklist. Fill them in separately, disregarding what you think you “should” like or what your partner would want you to say. Then sit down together to compare and discuss your answers with compassion, empathy, patience, trust and understanding. Celebrate what you do like, and ask questions when needed, without judgment. Seek resources to help with the things that you both want to address or change. 

Answer each question with: 

1. Dislike - won't do 

2. Not a turn on, but might do it for my partner 

3. Neutral - don't mind, or not sure 

4. Quite like 

5. Really like/love! 

 

 

The Checklist  

1. Masturbation 

Alone: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

In front of partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Watch partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Watch each other at the same time: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

How is masturbation different from sex with your partner? In what ways is it better/worse? 

How do you feel about your partner masturbating? 

 

2. Erotica/Pornography 

Look at sexually explicit materials (books, movies, magazines, Web sites, etc.): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Alone, without partner's knowledge 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Alone, with partner's knowledge 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

With your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

How do you feel about erotica/porn in general? 

What kind of porn do you like/dislike/are you curious about? 

How do you feel about your partner looking at erotica/porn? 

In what ways might porn affect your relationship?

 

3. Virtual Sex  

Phone sex with your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Phone sex with another person: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Online sex chat with your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Online sex chat with another person: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Online sex in a virtual environment (ex. Second Life): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

How do you define sex? 

How do you define cheating? 

 

4. Voyeurism/Exhibitionism (watching and being watched)  

Strip for your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Your partner strips erotically for you: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Watch a professional stripper: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Give your partner a lap dance: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Receive a lap dance from your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Receive a lap dance from a professional stripper: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Watch your partner receive a lap dance from a professional stripper: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Having another person in the room watching you: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Having another person in the room watching you and your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

More than one person watching: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

 

5. Manual Sex (Mutual Masturbation)  

Give: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Receive: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Simultaneously give and receive: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

In general, how important is giving/receiving manual sex to you?

How does it compare to other forms of sex?

What makes it better/worse?

 

6. Oral sex 

Give: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Receive: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

69 (Simultaneously give and receive): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Deep throat: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Come in mouth: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Come on body: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Come on face: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Snowballing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

In general, how important is giving/receiving oral sex to you?

What makes it better/worse?

Do you need to use barriers (condoms, dental dams)?

How do you feel about kissing after oral sex?

 

7. Anal sex  

Giving... 

Finger(s): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Toys: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Penis: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Tongue: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Receiving... 

Finger(s): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Toys: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Penis: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Tongue: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion 

In general, how important is giving/receiving anal sex to you?

What do you like or dislike about giving/receiving anal sex?

What makes anal sex better/worse?

Have you read up on how to have anal sex safely (I.e. what toys are suitable, lube, etc)?

 

8. Basic Positions 

Missionary (face to face): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Rear entry: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Side by side: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Standing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Seated: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Other(s) (Describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Topics for Discussion

What are your favorite positions?

What do you like about them?

How are they different?

Are you interested in experimenting with new positions found in books/websites?

 

9. Period Sex 

Manual sex: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Oral sex: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Vaginal intercourse: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Topics for Discussion

How do you feel about being sexual while you or your partner is menstruating?

When using barriers (condoms, dental dams)?

When using an internal form of protection (tampons, menstrual cups)?

 

10. Location

Room(s) other than bedroom: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Car: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Outdoors: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Semi-public space (Describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Other (Describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Topics for Discussion 

How important is the setting (privacy, clean room, fresh sheets, TV on or off, music, candles, etc.)?

If you are considering sex in public, do you know the laws for your area?

 

11. Wardrobe

Wear sexy clothes in private: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Wear sexy clothes in public: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Special fabric - describe (silk, leather, latex, etc.): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Crossdressing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Role playing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

 

12. Sex Toys 

Feather or other sensation play: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Edibles (chocolate, whipped cream, fruit, etc.): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Vibrator (clitoral): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Vibrator (internal): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Dildo: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Butt plug: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Nipple clamps: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Cock ring: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Other (Describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Topics for Discussion

Do you own any sex toys?

What do you like or dislike about sex toys? 

In general, how important are sex toys to you?

 

13. Communication 

Offer partner tips and direction: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Request tips and direction: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Sexy/dirty talk: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Share desires and fantasies: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Topics for Discussion 

How do you prefer to get feedback, constructive criticism?

Do you prefer to have these conversations face to face, on the phone, over the internet?

If your partner wanted to tell you something/ask for something, but was afraid to bring it up, how would you put them at ease?

 

13. Bondage, Dominance, Submission

Topping...

Hold down your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Tie down your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Blindfold your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Give your partner orders: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Handle your partner forcefully (wrestling, pulling hair, etc.): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Spank your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Other (Describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Bottoming...

Be held down: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Be tied down: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5 

Be blindfolded: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Obey orders: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Be handled forcefully: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Be spanked: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Other (describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 – 5

Topics for Discussion

Have you tried any of these activities before? How did you react?

Is kink important to you?

Do you feel your relationship is ready?

What potential problems could come up?

Have you read up on safety?

 

14. Quality and Quantity 

How often do you like to have sex?

If you are currently having sex, would you prefer to have sex more or less often? 

How important is it for you to have an orgasm every time?

How do you feel about quickies?

How important are long, planned sessions?

 

15. Health

Contraception...

Are you currently on any form of birth control or using contraceptives?

Which methods have you used in the past?

Which methods do you prefer?

Are there any medical situations (latex allergy, sensitivity to spermicide, etc.) that need to be taken into account? 

Do you have emergency contraceptive on hand in case of a contraceptive failure?

What would you do in case of a pregnancy?

STIs... 

Have you been tested for STIs? If yes, when? If no, when do you want to get tested (together)? 

Have you had any sexual partners since?

Physical and Mental Health... 

Do you have any health issues that your partner should be aware of? 

Are you on any long-term medication? 

Can you think of any emotional hot spots – things you would absolutely not be okay with, or things that might need extra care? 

 

 

 

 

Have questions?  

Would you like guidance on how to safely explore any aspects of your sexuality?  

Reach out for confidential, non-judgmental guidance. 

Phone: 857-308-4052 

 

 

 

Sex Checklist originally posted on http://community.livejournal.com/sextips/7832294.htm